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Facing refusal, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is saying no, giving a definite “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced submitting manuscripts 50 years back, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and countless short stories. Over the past 20 years, focusing on commentary, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I face a rejection every few days—adding up to over 100 times a year. In total, rejections over my career run into thousands. By now, I might as well have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Not at all. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: By this stage, nearly everyone and their distant cousin has rejected me. I haven’t counted my success rate—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before saying yes to one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors rejected my manuscript before someone gave the green light. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a book pitch. An editor suggested that I submit articles less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, every no hurt. I felt attacked. I believed my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? Why would they be ignore my talent?
• Second, denial. Surely they rejected the wrong person? This must be an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often accompanied by delusion). How can I convince you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

So it went for decades.

Great Company

Of course, I was in excellent fellowship. Accounts of authors whose work was originally declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his school team. The majority of Presidents over the past six decades had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone claims that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were rejected 1,500 times. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I reached the seventh stage of setback. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the many reasons why someone says no. Firstly, an publisher may have already featured a similar piece, or be planning one in the pipeline, or be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the reader thinks I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the work I am offering. Or didn’t focus and read my piece hastily to recognize its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Any work can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are forever not up to you.

Within Control

Additional reasons are within it. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my grammar, particularly dashes, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve published two books—my first when I was middle-aged, another, a memoir, at older—and over a thousand pieces. These works have appeared in publications big and little, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary appeared decades ago—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no speeches, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more easily accept rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the blows of my many rejections. I can choose to be reflective about it all today.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What insights have I acquired?

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